Monday, May 18, 2009

Absolutely no question

With lots of major changes happening in my life and all around me, I find myself grateful for the absolutes in my life. Those things that I'm pretty sure, no matter how topsy turvy things get, will remain unshake-ably certain.

For example, it does not matter how many times I "clean out" my treasures, how many times I discard the mementos and talismans and crap of my childhood. There will always be more. I will always keep birthday, Christmas, and Thank You cards in a box under my bed. I will save every wedding invitation I ever receive. (I mean the time and money that goes into those thing...) Somewhere, some time in my life, that person, that card, that thought meant something to me. I could be cynical and say that I hold on to these reminders in fear that I will never feel those things again. But I'd rather take the view that my overly sentimental self has such a deep appreciation for these things that it feels callous to simply toss them in the trash within 2-5 years of the date received.

I will always have days where I long for my mother and my family the way you long for perfect sunny 72 degree May when cold bleary February has you pulling on that winter coat as you wait for your car to warm up again.
I will always enjoy the crunchy satisfaction of pocorn, cold red grapes, and miniature chocolate chip cookies. It will most likely always be a problem too.
I will always have moments where I would rather be in Colorado, serving lunch, making beds, or watering flowers on the ranch than anywhere else in the world. It will always serve as my happy place when I need a mental escape to remind myself that there was a time in my life when I went somewhere brand new, totally fun, and loved every minute of my day.

Of course there have been some "pretty absolutes" in my life up to this point, that I wouldn't mind changing over time. I have never liked being alone at night. I don't need someone in bed with me, I just need to know that someone else is in the house. Preferably someone human. I do not like being alone in a house/apartment/condo alone at night. Still.

It would be great to not absolutely always come up with seven "trivial but much more interesting things to do" before I ever get to my actual "to do" list.

I'd say it be great to not absolutely have to work, but that is a whole other animal.

I guess all we can do is be grateful for and try to hold on to the abosolutely good things in our lives. Let the ones that matter know how much you care. Take a minute to smile and say thank you for a sunny beautiful day. Or rainy day, if it's what you enjoy.

Then, once we've appreciated the good things, we do our absolute best to improve the other aspects of our lives. It may take prayer, it may take years, it may take a lot of popcorn. But I'm thinking, that pretty much anything is abosolutely possible.